Monday, October 31, 2011

Experiment with Essay Leads

" I never proceed without an opening I think will produce a good piece of writing. That's the only never in my personal toolbox"-- Donald Murray
  • Anecdote: a brief story that captures the essence of the issue or situation
  • Quotation: a voice not your own that speaks to or exemplifies the problem or issue
  • News: the writer gives the reader the who-what- where-why- of the situation or issue
  • Background: the writer gives a brief history of the issue or situation
  • Announcement: the writer tells the reader what he or she is going to say about the issue or situation and takes an attitude.
  • also consider...a statistic, deliberate contradiction, starting fact or idea
Some Leads to Avoid, Please...
A dictionary definition
A question to the reader
A cliche
A lead that isn't focused

Excerpt taken from Nancie Atwell 2002," Lessons That Change Writers"
 

53 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. The smoking ban in public places is good because nonsmokers shouldn't breathe the smoke of smokers. It is both disrespectful and hurtful to the health of nonsmokers. For example, at clubs, bars, and other nightlife locations, smokers drown themselves and everybody around them in smoke. This is not just mean, but it is dangerous. It is a good idea to ban smoking in public places because smoking is bad for health. Children who suffer from second hand smoke are also protected from smokers and with a smoking ban. Also, this ban gives people an opportunity to stop smoking in certain places or eventually quit.

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  3. Paige Ehlers

    One has probably never heard of a smoker’s face before. Well what is it? If you were to look at someone’s face who has been smoking for ten years or more, you would see that they tend to have lines or wrinkles around their lips, corners of the eyes, cheeks, and lower jaw. You would also see that their skin appears to look leathery and gray, and their bone structure is more prominent. “In my experience, many people notice the ravages of smoking for the first time when it is pointed out to them that they can be identified as smokers by their faces alone,” says Dr. Douglas Model in the British Medical Journal. When you think about smoking and how deteriorating it is towards your internal organs, you don’t think about what effects can be seen from outside view. Smoking cigarettes after a period of ten years or more, starts to age your face years before it biologically should.

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  4. Step on it, that’s what you should do. Think about your children, think about you. Step on your cigarettes and give us a hand. Every day our society is affected by a plague that is taking lives away as if it was something we cannot prevent. But it is not true. As our own President says regarding any problem: “Yes we can.” We can and we must stop the deaths caused by smoking tobacco in our country. Smoking kills people, and tobacco companies are responsible for making these consequences known by their consumers. It is our right to know that tobacco causes about 450,000 deaths every year.

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  5. Smoking is one of the most dangerous habits around the world. Many people are addicted to Nicotine, which is one of the main drugs in tobacco. However, this could lead to many symptoms like high blood pressure, trouble breathing, and even lung cancer. Many people try and quit, but they are always pulled right back into the habit. Smoking is more costly than most people realize.

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  6. Sheena Ezraseneh

    Those who smoke loose an average of 13 to 15 years off their life. Smoking cigarettes is basically paying to die sooner. Those who smoke every day say that it’s “calming”, “relaxing”, and “stress reliving”. However, it is just stripping years off their lives. People who smoke are not only going to typically die sooner than someone who doesn’t smoke but it also interferes with their daily lives. It makes it more challenging to breathe, get around, be active, and negatively affects their lung capacity. Smoking cigarettes can be related to more deaths in the United States than car accidents, alcohol, suicide, homicide, AIDS, and illegal drugs combined. Almost everyone knows somebody who smokes. If those people saw how those cigarettes are ruining their lives than maybe they would consider quitting.

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  7. Michael D’Addario

    “In the past year alone, the number of subscribers to Netflix has increased 66 percent. The video-rental company has even pushed competitors like Blockbuster and Movie Gallery to file for bankruptcy protection.” With Netflix people have stopped collecting movies and DVDs, causing movie sales to drop. People no longer need to own a movie library when they can just go online and have accesses to one for only sixteen dollars a month. The sudden increase in Netflix costumers has got film executives running scared.

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  8. Smoking has become a harmful epidemic in the United States. “When smoking tobacco, the user inhales tar, nicotine, carbon monoxide, and 200 known poisons into the lungs.” The government is fully aware of the harmful and addictive substances cigarettes contain but have done little to assure citizen’s safety. Yes, the government has placed restrictions on, where you can smoke and has added a tax to purchasing cigarettes which has brought the value to around $10 per pack in New York. To smokers already drawn in by the addictive drug, these draw backs do not have a great enough impact to make them quit. “A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed will kill you,” and the government should help eliminate this money thirsty industry and their harmful products.

    -Parisa Saghati

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  9. “Worldwide, approximately 10 million cigarettes are purchased a minute, 15 billion are sold each day, and upwards of 5 trillion are produced and used on an annual basis” (Martin). A little over a billion people smoke today. With each puff they are setting themselves up for a more disastrous life. Smoking itself leads to diseases such as asthma, heart disease, and cancer.

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  10. For twenty years my father has been smoking cigarettes. With over five doctor and hospital visits every two months he continues to still smoke them. Roughly 443,000 people die each year from smoking or exposure to second hand smoke. Even with these extremely high numbers of deaths per year nearly 46.6 million United State citizens continue to smoke these harmful products. Tobacco companies have grown every month. With all the effort put forth to stop tobacco companies from producing their product the efforts have not stopped this hazardous industry from growing.

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  11. Cameron D’Aquila
    English 101
    11/1/11
    Prof. Candia

    Ever since science has enabled humans to research farther into the short and long term effects of any activity, people have been learning more and more about what they are doing to their bodies. Whereas 80 years ago smoking unfiltered cigarettes was a common practice, it has now come to the eyes of the public that even smoking filtered cigarettes can cause cancer in a very short period of time. An estimated 400,000 people die every year of smoking related illnesses including various types of cancer, heart attacks, and strokes. Despite all of the ads and money put into anti-smoking groups and committees, a solid 46.6 million Americans continue to smoke cigarettes daily. Cigarette smoking should be banned in the United States and a plan should be implemented to help those of the addicted category in the aspect of smoking quit. If what happened on the inside happened on the outside, you would think twice about what you’re doing to your body, don’t turn a blind eye just because you can’t see what you’re doing to yourself.

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  12. Joe Cali
    Prof. Candia
    English 101
    1 November 2011
    You Can Do It
    It’s the key to a healthy life. Nutrition plays a big role in a person’s day-to-day routine. My mother’s a woman who always believed in a healthy diet and weekly exercise. She had always stressed, “eat your green veggies”. In recent years, the percent of obesity more than doubled from 6% in 1980 to 13% for the United States in 2005. Also, having a poor diet and exercise routine can lead to high blood pressure, high cholesterol and an increase in cancer. To add, about roughly 3 million people die yearly due to lack of diet and exercise. In contrast, being fit and eating healthy foods can bring more of an optimistic outlook on life as well as feeling more confident about yourself and the way you go about tasks on a daily basis. More importantly, a healthy nutrition requires a strong commitment to stay away from high calorie foods as well as maintaining a balanced workout routine.

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  13. Luke Nemes-
    When most think of NYC they might think, pollution. This may now change since mayor Bloomberg has put into effect a city wide outdoor public smoking ban. This new law bans smoking in the city’s 1,700 parks and 14 miles of public beaches. Also major outdoor public places like Time square. This ban was created to stop harmful second hand smoke and reduce litter. Since 75% of litter on city streets are made up of cigarette butts. This law will be enforced by violators having to pay $50 fines. Some smokers think it’s extremely unfair since smoking has been banned from all bars and restaurants. Yet the ban can be beneficial for NYC’s many tourists or anyone trying to enjoy a cleaner city.

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  14. Susan B Anthony once said "The day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race." For over hundred years women been having to deal with stereotypes about how women don’t belong working, their place is being a stay at home mom. But we have came a long way since then and have proved much of society wrong.

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  15. Hip-Hop is a genre of music as well as a culture. Thus making it a lifestyle. Hip-Hop music has a positive impact on children who have difficulty defining their individuality, controlling their behavior, and establishing a self-esteem. Children are thankful for hip-hop and because they are thankful, it gives them a sense of pride. Hip-Hop’s is still very influential today. Over 30 years old and it’s influence is still affective amongst children worldwide

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  16. Danny Coder

    Smoking is very harmful not only to the person who is smoking but also to be the people around that person. That is why smoking is beginning to get banned in many public places, including parks, campuses, and around hospitals. Some people do disagree with this saying that if they choose to have a cigarette they should be allowed to. But even if they choose to have a cigarette why should the people around them have their health so negatively affected.

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  17. Embryonic stem cell research has been a topic of debate within the United States government. Many advocates are pushing for more federal funding towards research, but there are many opponents who vote against this. Research shows that the potential for ESC, embryonic stem cell research, in the medical field are boundless. To a patient like Jimmy, who lost use of the lower half of his body when he damaged his spinal cord in an accident, ESCs are the only way to gain use of his legs. Federal funding for ESC research should be increased so that nerve damage therapy can be improved for future patients. It has been proven that ESCs are the only way to repair damage to the central nervous system.

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  18. Michelle Nunez
    English 101
    Essay Lead
    Prof. Candia
    November 8, 2011

    Smoking as we all know leads to many different kinds of cancer as well as illnesses. Smoking has increased in the last thirty years even after people are being aware of the horrible damages. It kills about 114,000 people in the United States each year. Out of those 734,000 deaths, 42,800 are from cancer and 30,600 are from cardiovascular disease. Cigarettes contain over 4000 chemical compounds which half are toxic substances found in car exhausts, poisons, and pesticides. The major chemicals that are the most damaging are tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide. Smoking cigarettes leads to horrifying damages inside your body, lungs, and organs. People aren’t able to see what smoking does to them on the inside, therefore, they don’t notice the harm in smoking one cigarette does.

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  19. Smoking causes an estimated 440,000 deaths and costs $150 billion dollars in health care in America alone. There are 43.3 million smokers in America and close to 1.3 billion smokers all over the world. Smoking tobacco can be traced all the way back from 600-1000 A.D and has been in many different cultures for rituals, for stress reliving or just for plain fun. But recently smoking can be found to be very deadly to many people all over the world. Smoking tobacco is done in many ways such as cigars or a hookah pipe but it is most often used in cigarettes with harmful chemicals that can make smoking tobacco even more deadly. Smoking cigarettes should be banned completely all over the world as it is proven that it can kill many and have very harmful side effects from new born babies with mothers who smoke all the way to the elderly who smoke who can have various types of cancer from this.

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  20. Emily Engelman
    Essay Lead
    Professor Candia
    November 9, 2011

    If smokers knew what they looked like on the inside after smoking just one cigarette, they probably wouldn't smoke. Smoking should not be legal in the United States due to the negative effects that smokers develop over time. Smoking is a dangerous habit that over 47 million Americans will begin before they are the age of eighteen. A single cigarette contains four thousand toxins and chemicals. Though it is known to people that smoking mainly causes cancer and many other diseases, Americans will not give up the habit.

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  22. Charlie Shaw

    Netflix was formed in the year 1997 in California by Reed Hastings and Marc Randolph. The company has gained popularity since then but recently, there has been some controversy within Netflix. The company announced that they will increase their subscription price by 60% for those who wish to order dvds to their doors instead of instant streaming. Many customers were furious and felt they were being betrayed by the company. Netflix should keep their original subscription fee because the price increase is unfair to many of the company's loyal customers.

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  23. Parisa
    your quotes aren't cited, but your introduction is very well written

    Michael D’Addario
    just cite your quotes, but other than that it is fine

    Charlie Shaw
    How did you get your information? just put quotes around the facts since you were not the one that wrote them

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  24. Michael D’Addario, your leading quote isn't cited.
    Nick treadwell your information isn't citied.
    Danny Code, I feel your leading statement wasn't catchy enough.

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  25. rapicket i think you need a better grabber like a statistic would have been more grabbing.

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  26. Scott, in your paragraph there are a lot of sentence fragments. The second sentence for example isn't complete and you should try to combine it with another to make a full sentence.

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  27. Danny Coder
    Your thesis isnt strong enough
    Parisa
    Work on citing your quotes
    Joe Cali
    Try to make a stronger thesis

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  28. hey scott i really liked your intro just on Hip-Hop you dont need the "'s"...otherwise it was a really catchy intro... and in your last sentence i would say hip-hop to start it off.

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  29. Viraj Murthy: where is this info coming from you need proof.

    Alan Fermin: opening statment is not catchy enough.

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  30. Raheem, your topic sentence of your introduction should be more catchy. Where is your thesis statement? You should also use better vocabulary. Ex: Mean(Disruptive)

    Sheena, overall a very good introduction but where are your citations?

    Charlie, you need a more catchy topic sentence to grab the readers attention. Where are your citations? Overall very good argument & thesis statement.

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  31. Alan Fermin: Should start with more of a grabber in your intro, but otherwise very informative and you know what you are talking about

    Charlie Shaw: well written intro, but cite the statistics.

    Emily Engelman: very convincing intro but cite your statistics. Other than that you made a great arguement

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  32. charlie:
    I think that the introduction needs something catchier at the beginning. The hook needs to actually get people's attention and by telling the story of Netflix you are not doing that. Maybe use something like: you can watch any movie you want, or watching movies never was so easy… or sit and wait, the movie will be there.
    Maybe say one reason why it is unfair?

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  33. micheal nunez ur statistics arent citied
    charlie shaw your paragraph isnt that strong it doesnt have the meat to it that it needs but i like the historical part

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  34. Sheena- You have a catchy introduction. Statistics were used well.

    Scoot- What way is hip-hop impacting children?

    Danny- Have a catchy introduction with some statistics?

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  35. Danny Coder, I like your introduction. I just think you need it to be a bit more catchy, maybe by adding some statistics or a quote.
    Ashley Pastore, I like the quote you used. I just thinkg you should list examples on how society was proved wrong.
    Parisa Saghati, I like the quotes listed in your introduction. You just need to cite them from who said them.

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  36. Raheem you shouldn't start your intro paragraph with a thesis statement and your intro sounds more like a body not a intro, step your game up kid.

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  37. Michelle Nunez

    In your paragraph you went from cigarettes killing 114,000 a year, and then saying out of those 734,000 deaths.

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  38. Diana, i think that your intro was good but it was a little short. It could have used a little bit more. And lastly on your quote i think it would be good if you said "martin's" last name as well or if you included the page # from the article

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  39. Emily Engelman: good intro but cite where you got the numbers from

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  40. Michael D’Addario
    good intro, just cite your quote.
    Michelle Nunez
    I really like that you have stats in your intro that you have, you just need to cite where they came from.
    Emily Engelman
    I really like your introduction, just think you need a stronger thesis

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  41. MichelleNunez
    great job, but try finding a catchier introduction. It didn't really catch my eye

    Charlie
    Great paragraph but I can't find the citations.

    Scott
    Try adding more to the paragraph it seems like it's not enough sentences.

    Emily
    Nice use of the statistics but make sure to cite all the work

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  42. Joe Cali: Your quotes arent cited

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  43. Athletes’ misbehavior should prohibit them from playing professionally and sponsoring sports products. In life, athletes are role models, mostly being the kind of individuals that others might want to be. If athletes continue to bypass the law, then people are supporting negative behavior. Athletes such as Michael Vick should not be allowed to continue participating in pro-bowl and make top dollars. Fans may stop supporting the teams and companies that are in alliance with the conflicted athlete. There are athletes out there, probably not the top player on the team but have a clean record, who deserve to be in the spotlight. Authors Steve Wieberg and Ira Berkow help readers notice the athletes who bypass the law and brainstorm ways to end it. They also try to tell consumers that they should neglect companies that support these tainted athletes.

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  44. Scott- you should include a quote to add interest.
    Emily- include a fact to make your paragraph more informative.

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  45. Michael D'Addario, quote needs to be cited
    Parisa, maybe a catchier introduction sentence

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  46. Nick Treadwell, where are you getting your information from but good personal background

    Cammeron, you need to cite where your getting your statistics but you prove very good points

    Emily Engleman, where did you get your statics but very catchy first sentence. caught my attention

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  47. chris sayers
    alan shouldcite your work bringing some of the authors where u got your work from.
    raheem unclear thesis statement
    emily nice attention grabber

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  48. Nick treadwell: Your introduction is good but your ieas arent cited

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  49. nick tredwell good job using your own background info for the intro, you should continue with it i just felt you could of continued with it.

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  50. Nick Treadwell, where are you getting your information from but good personal background

    Cammeron, you need to cite where your getting your statistics but you prove very good points

    Emily Engleman, where did you get your statics but very catchy first sentence. caught my attention

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  51. joecali- good job on the intro make sure you cite your info and make a catchier first sentence and draw in your readers

    Cameron- cite your quotes.

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  52. Charlie: I like your introduction paragraph

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  53. Viraj Murthy
    Starting the introduction with facts is a great idea, they make people reflect about themselves at once, but remember to cite where you get the information from. Try not to repeat what you are saying and even words, use different words. The thesis is too long try to narrow it down.

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